Across the country

It isn't as warm as you think it's going to be in San Francisco. The mind says, "I'm in California" but the body soon realizes it needs a jacket and scarf. Still, it's a pretty awesome city to visit. Ron, Griffin, Murphy and I enjoyed the drive across the country, particularly the final leg of it. Nothing against Nebraska, but there wasn't much to look at as we drove East to West all the way through the state. Once we hit Wyoming, where the deer and the antelope play, the view began to improve. Utah was breathtaking with its snow covered mountain ranges. The Nevada desert sand was white and barren for as far as the eye could see. But the best part was the very end of the trip, the final four hours of the thirty hour drive. If you ever get the chance to drive West from Reno to San Francsico, do it! Such majesty; those mountains covered with evergreens make my heart sing. We put on John Denver and let him do the real singing while we looked up and out and took it all in. That is church to me.
I like a pair of Jimmy Choos as much as the next gal, but I am a nature girl at heart. There is no greater high on earth than a Rocky Mountain High! Tell me...what "takes you to church", makes you feel one with everything?

Before and after

Mom's home makevoer was a huge success. I have some talented friends who worked their hiney's off for one very long weekend. We still haven't recovered from the day-long sprint around Ikea. The blog would only allow me a few before and after pics, but hopefully you'll be able to tell what a difference we made! I didn't have space to post a before of mom's bedroom, but I think you'll dig the after. She is nuts about the zzzz's on the wall! Her house is now fresh and cheery with a touch of zen and a splash of humor. I wish I could take you on the grand tour. SPECIAL THANKS to Rex, Miles, and Scott for making all of this happen. Geri is lovin' her new digs..almost as much as she loves each one of you boys!

Ron and I have just finished the week in Minneapolis and tonight we begin the several day drive to San Francisco. I can't wait for the California sunshine!
Peace out,
Sandra

Extreme Makeover Mom Edition

Next week, three of my best friends and I are meeting in Michigan and along with my sister and her family, we are giving my mom's house a major overhaul. I will post before and after pictures when the decorating is done. I am so excited about this project. My parents were married for 42 years and mom is, understandably, having a very difficult time moving on without dad around.
She's a tough lady, though. You would love her. Geri is a 66 year old rockin' hedhead who loves rap. She can keep up with Nellie and Fifty Cent (she would correct my pronunciation-it's "Fitty") and never miss a beat on the dance floor. She certainly deserves to have a home that's as cool as she is.
If anyone is in the Detroit area and would care to don a construction helmut and let me yell "Let's Move it, People!" in your ear with a megaphone, come on over! We will gladly throw a paintbrush in your hand!
Contributing seems to be everywhere these days. Did you watch Oprah's new show The Big Give? You can catch it this Sunday night on ABC right after Extreme Makeover Home Edition. It sure makes you want to run right out and do something good for somebody. My giving inspiration is a woman named Callie. She lives to give; she's made a career out of it. Check out her website at www.BasicMissions.com. It is a global resource center that gives people the hook-up with anything and everything they need. I love Callie's motto: We are blessed so that we may bless others. Where in your life have you been blessed? What can you do to bless someone back? Why not start at home? Is there something you can you do to help out your family, friends, or community? If you can't think of anything, don't worry, just head over to my mother's house next weekend. We'll put you to work!

Taking stock

"Taking stock of what I have and what I haven't,
What do I find?
A healthy balance on the credit side..." Annie Get Your Gun

Two weeks ago, I climbed to the back of the attic and carried out two large plastic bins, containing decades worth of my old journals. I dusted them off and have spent the better part of the last two weeks reading through them, a daunting and mighty humbling experience. Can you say boy crazy? I mean certifiably insane. "I'm certain he's the one. I've known him twevle days."
Reading my old ramblings is part of an archaeological dig I've embarked on as I try to unearth meaningful moments from my past for possible use in the memoir of my future. Amidst the whining and pining over the man of the moment, I have discovered a few buried treasures. There are recurring themes of gratitude for family, love of nature, and valued friendships. There are career pursuits and dreams fulfilled and a constant search for spiritual truth. Above all, what occurs to me after reading through years of my innermost thoughts is that the happiest moments were not about money, achievement, or fame, but about the experiences created with the people I love most. With my dad now gone from the physical plane, I am so grateful that I have so many treasured memories to look back upon. While he was here, I didn't take him for granted. I spent tons of quality time with the one man who was a constant in my life. I appreciated him then, and I appreciate him even more now.

What would you find if you went digging through your past? What are the themes of your life's narrative? Are you investing today's currency in moments that will matter when you look back on them tomorrow? Ten years from now?

Feelin' the love

Hi, Friends.

I've been hiding out a bit, I admit it. I'm off the road for a heavenly little while and I'm enjoying a hermetic life in my home. Ron is back on tour with High School Musical, currently in Washington, D.C. It isn't too far, only about a four hour drive, so he comes home on his day off. What a treat to see the familiar trees outside my window, to walk the dogs through streets they know, to catch up with neighbors and Joe, our dog-loving postman.

The best part, though is that I've been able to rejoin my writer's group which meets every Thursday night. I've been making progress on the book and it feels wonderful. Maybe I will share an excerpt here sometime. If I'm blogging less frequently, it is because I'm spending my computer time typing away on the book. But, I love connecting with all of you, so please keep stopping by and leaving comments. It warms my heart to read them.

Tell me, are you feelin' the Love this Valentine's Day? The kind of capital L Love I'm talking about does not require a significant other. Are you able to look in the mirror and smile? Can you offer love to the eyes looking back at you? That's where I'd like us to focus our attention this year. I find it easier to feel good about that girl in the mirror when I'm being creative, and finding time for myself. What are your creative pursuits? What makes your heart sing? And what can you do today so that when you brush your teeth tonight, you can look at that gorgeous one in the mirror and fall madly in love? Give it some thought and let us know.

With LOVE from my heart to yours,

Sandi

Everything

About six weeks ago, Ron and I pulled to the side of the highway in New Mexico so I could get this picture. I was going to email it to my dad. He would have loved it. But about five weeks ago, he died. I can honestly say that not showing him this picture is the only regret I carry about my father. The greatest comfort, the hugest healing is in the knowledge that nothing was left unspoken between us. He knew without a doubt how much I loved, appreciated, and valued him in my life. He not only spoke similar sentiments to me on a regular basis, he also left me with cards, letters, and emails full of the same. Ours was a bond unlike any other in my life. He was, as my friend Erin said of her mom, my person, the one who took all of my disparate parts and put them together in a way that made sense.
In the last five weeks I have learned what it is to hit rock bottom. I've leanrned, in fact, that there is a level even below that. It felt like being trapped in the very center of the earth, bathed in molten emotions and unable to see the light. The interesting thing was, though, in the center of that space, as despairing as it was, I felt a connection to everything unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I felt such a connection with people, with every human who has ever suffered. I felt connected with trees, the earth, all of nature.
When it was time to leave my mom, sister, and my Michigan family, I headed back out to the High School Musical tour to meet up with Ron. Mercifully, the show was in Tucson, Arizona, one of the most stunning landscapes in the country. Walking the dogs through the desert grandeur, my soul drank in the beauty of nature. Though my heart was still aching, I could feel a powerful healing taking place.
If there is one thing I have learned in my many years of spiritual seeking it is this: the only way out is through. There is no value in our conventional ways of grieving, "just keep busy", "focus on the good times" "know that he's in a better place", etc. Distracting oneself from the reality of sad feelings is, in my opinion, a waste of time. I had the blessing of being able to grieve. For me, that meant feeling my feelings, allowing the depth of my sadness, crying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. When you touch the darkest place within you, new pathways for healing open up. And the compassion that is birthed becomes a part of your new identity.
I've always loved being identified in the context of my daddy. "Oh, you're Johnny's daughter." I am. And he will always be a part of me. His death affords me an opportunity to become even more of the woman he created me to be. A person with deeper roots, watered by tears, and blossoming into the full ripeness of my own humanity.
The morning after my dad's death, I awoke with a song in my head, one that I hadn't heard for many years. The lyrics repeated over and over in my half-waking mind: "You are everything, and everything is you.." When I look out at the sky of Joseph City, New Mexico, I feel the truth of those words. I feel you, my daddy. In everything.

My daddy

Oh, my friends. I'm going to be away for a while. My beloved daddy passed very suddenly this morning of a heart attack. Ron and I are in Michigan now. Don't know when I'll be back. But I will be back and I will tell you all about the most amazing father a girl could ever hope for. What a privilege it was to be his daughter.

Love love love,

SJ